yeah.

Yeah...
I have been restlessly anxious.
That is because I am...
So afraid to fail.

I think...
I have been guarding up myself.
To be protected.
Overprotected.

We don't wanna be very vulnerable.
In their eyes...
Yeah...
We don't want to be like that.

But the more I tried to keep myself from all the possible hurts...
The more I am actually hurt... by myself.

I am no perfect.
That's very cliche to say.

But yeah...
I am really not.

inner battles

This too shall past.

But while it is still happening...
...I am really having a hard time.

It may not be a very big deal for others.
Or maybe I am just magnifying the little battles inside me.

Whatever it is...
...I'm hoping for all these things to end.

Bed.

Today, I found myself laying on the bed the whole day.
I feel like I'm trying to escape from all of my anxiety through sleeping.

It felt so bad.
Feeling not so accomplished.
Have done nothing.

just an idea

I am not really familiar with the common name of the scientific names of different worms.
And so...  I think I was not able to do well in that quiz.

While I look at those blank items which I could no longer answer...
I said to myself -

"I just don't wanna study anymore... I wanted to learn."

Time.

I wish I could tell somebody how troubled I am inside.
It's like, for all the times I have frowned... I just wanna give myself and everyone I meet along the way a smile.

I wish I could beg for the time to run fast when times go rough...
I wish I could let time slow down whenever I feel happy, smiling, talking and laughing with them.
I wish I could always have time for things I want to do, more than the things that I needed to do.

I wanna know if there's someone who could understand my mind... my heart... my soul... the real person I am.
I have hidden myself from all the people around... thinking that I could only be the one who could understand... or trying to understand the person I have become.

I would always wanna feel the sunshine.
I would wanted to be at peace with myself all the time.

I don't wanna be selfish.
I don't wanna be a burden to anyone.
I know we all carry weights on our own.

I wish I could hug someone... and cry... and just cry.
I wish there is someone who could slap my face to wake me up.

Please pull me up...
from where I have let myself down.

I Know.

Fuck.

I can't be inspired by all these paperworks!
Sigh...